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+--- Thread: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? (/showthread.php?tid=172296)
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - Buzz - 10-16-2014
john dough wrote:
The problem is that she is QUITE stubborn and unwilling to change. Another problem is that she is unwilling to push herself to get what she wants out of life. When I gave her a gentle nudge to get reconnected with her clients (and make more money to pay down her insane debts), this turned into a huge fight. The physical end is no problem; we both find each other alluring (and the attraction is almost at a chemical level). The issue is that is all there really is between us.
Does she have a sister or some girlfriend(s) that can augment/complete the situation/equation for you?
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Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - rgG - 10-16-2014
If you are asking the question, you already know the answer.
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - Racer X - 10-16-2014
john dough wrote:
[quote=testcase]
As we get older, I would think the physical love would be more difficult than the mental part. I also think that, if there is to be a deficiency in only one area, the mental ~ maturity side should be easier to correct than the physical side. People are exposed to new ideas, new technology all the time. Unless she's totally close minded and shut up in her own small world, exposure to a bigger world could get her to realize what she's been missing and, if she's willing to participate in meaningful discussions, use new technology, her mind can be expanded more readily than it would be to get her open her body.
The problem is that she is QUITE stubborn and unwilling to change. Another problem is that she is unwilling to push herself to get what she wants out of life. When I gave her a gentle nudge to get reconnected with her clients (and make more money to pay down her insane debts), this turned into a huge fight. The physical end is no problem; we both find each other alluring (and the attraction is almost at a chemical level). The issue is that is all there really is between us.
I can certainly understand where you are coming from. Are you willing to be around someone who is floundering and flailing their way through life, and doesn't want your help? Even if it is just gentle advice or a suggestion? To me, that would get old VERY fast.
And it's not you trying to change her, or her life, it's a simple "That must suck, have you thought about ....." and then they fly off the handle. I could have your situation completely wrong though.
For me, regardless of marriage, or a permanent partner, it's not about someone to sleep with, it's about someone to wake up with, and spend the day with. What is spending the day with likely to look like with her?
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - Black - 10-16-2014
testcase wrote:
As we get older, I would think the physical love would be more difficult than the mental part. .
My read is that the big issue here is that she likes to stay up past 10....
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - vision63 - 10-16-2014
I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins!
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - sekker - 10-16-2014
I've never been willing to date someone that wasn't bright, so I guess I don't have much to add.
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - bobinmurphy - 10-16-2014
rgG wrote:
If you are asking the question, you already know the answer.
By far the best answer yet. I'm in or was in a similar situation and I moved on. Now if she comes around with her thinking and such, well I'd be willing to give it another try if I don't have anything else going on.
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - deckeda - 10-16-2014
rgG wrote:
If you are asking the question, you already know the answer.
And john dough it already sounds like you're in so much a better place than a few months ago. Don't try to make happen what you now know can't. Good for you, you'll be fine.
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - N-OS X-tasy! - 10-17-2014
rgG wrote:
If you are asking the question, you already know the answer.
This was my thought, too.
Re: Would you continue to date someone who was not "marriage material" (to you)? - rz - 10-17-2014
It's been almost 25 years, but I was in a situation like this. She definitely thought I was marriage material. We went to visit my best friend after dating a few months, and he told me afterwards that his wife said all she could talk about was how much she wanted to marry me. Even though she was book smart (she was a nurse, actually), she had zero common sense. Physically, things were great. But she drove me crazy. It took a while, but I finally realized there was no way I could ever marry her. It was hard to break up with her, but it was the right decision.