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These sayings are funny... - Lizabeth - 11-27-2013
And I hope to "zing" someone with one of them!
Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them). They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; sometimes funny... humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. (ever been to WALMART?)
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Re: These sayings are funny... - DP - 11-27-2013
Good fun!
Re: These sayings are funny... - eustacetilley - 11-27-2013
Possibly one of the best, and least known, is by Hobbes in Leviathan, here properly punctuated:
The life of man: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish,
...and short.
It has plagiarized many times, usually in reference to restaurant food.
I use Paraprosdokians a lot- a main ingredient in many of my recipes.
Eustace
Re: These sayings are funny... - decay - 11-27-2013
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
- Henry Louis Mencken
Re: These sayings are funny... - Todd's keyboard - 11-27-2013
eustacetilley wrote:
Possibly one of the best, and least known, is by Hobbes in Leviathan, here properly punctuated:
The life of man: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish,
...and short.
It has plagiarized many times, usually in reference to restaurant food.
I use Paraprosdokians a lot- a main ingredient in many of my recipes.
Eustace
Just heard Steven Pinker reference Hobbes quote while listening to a "Long Now" podcast this morning.
Germans have a nice saying that may fit in this category:
"Das Leben ist schwer, aber grausam."
"Life is hard, but cruel."
Todd's keyring
Re: These sayings are funny... - Dennis S - 11-27-2013
"12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
Sounds like Steven Wright.
Re: These sayings are funny... - MartyStickle - 11-27-2013
Dennis S wrote:
"12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
Sounds like Steven Wright.
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
Re: These sayings are funny... - lost in space - 11-27-2013
Good ones! Quite a few I'd never seen before.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Often attributed to Groucho Marx, but he didn't coin it.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. Albert Einstein
Outside of dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Re: These sayings are funny... - eustacetilley - 11-27-2013
Car and Driver, in reference to the MG: "It's old, but it sure is obsolete."
Eustace
Re: These sayings are funny... - DeusxMac - 11-27-2013
Lizabeth wrote:
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
Should probably be "I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not sure."