A way of life. I was very lucky to find bodybuilding people who know the real deal about fat loss/muscle gain. No tricks, no fads, just hard science and lots of experience. Most are just using bodybuilding to get in and stay in shape (me) while others compete.
A few more things:
No, women will not get bulky!
Toning is building muscle.
Men and women train the same way. Same exercises.
No, working chest with not make women flat chested. Those bodybuilding picts you've seen were taken right before a competition. Women get down to around 8% body fat, men 4%. They are being judged on muscle which can't be seen with a layer of fat over them. Once final judging is over, contestants walk backstage and eat! Everything fills back in. Men go back to a minimum of 8%, women to a minimum of 12-15%.
Abs are made in the kitchen, not by doing thousands of crunches. Lower your body fat and you'll see the abs.
Body fat comes off in sheets, from all over. You cannot spot reduce. Your problem areas will be the last to lean up as they are usually the largest areas of body fat.
Building muscle is a very slow process. You need to do years of consistently eating right and training hard to gain substantial mass. Newbie gains, ie gains during the first 6 months or so, can be awesome, but they will slow down. Men are lucky to put on 2 pounds a month the first year, women 1 pound. After that first year, men are lucky to put on an additional 10, women 5. And that is if everything is done right and consistently.
No, you do not need to take supplements. Whole food works better.
Cleaning up your diet may surprise you. It takes a lot more "clean" food to reach calorie goals than from the typical diet.
Muscle gain and fat loss are not usually linear. Use trends over weeks, not daily measurements.
A good muscle pump (increased blood flow) can increase your legs as much as 0.5" and increase scale weight by a few pounds. Don't freak out. You don't have big legs due to too much muscle.
Muscle loss increases with age. It starts around 30 and only gets worse. As much as 1% can be lost each year. It's called sarcopenia.
Two often recommended sources for getting the diet and exercise started:
http://bodyforlife.com/
http://www.burnthefat.com/
An often recommended starting point for new lifters:
http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-..._1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230682806&sr=8-1