flock of SEAGULLS!. . .A&E has give Steven SEAGAL his own reality show. . .

[NewtonMP2100]

. . .'Steven Seagal: Lawman'. . .oh the HORRORRRR. . .!!!!!

(ponytail not included with purchase)


A&E Orders Steven Seagal Reality Show
'Steven Seagal: Lawman' follows Steven Seagal's career as... a lawman.

We know he's been under siege, on deadly ground and marked for death, but who knew that Steven Seagal is also a commissioned officer of the law?

A&E announced Monday (Nov. 24) that it has gone into production on "Steven Seagal: Lawman," a self-explanatory reality series that looks beyond the action hero's movie star status.

"I've been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people's radar," Seagal says in a statement. "I've decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana -- to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in this post-Katrina environment."

As the man says, Seagal has been working for almost 20 years as a fully-commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana. It also turns out that Seagal's movies have grossed more than $2 billion worldwide, which seems equally unlikely.

Apparently, in addition to his 7th-degree black belt in aikido, Seagal is an expert marksman and has been going on patrols and training fellow officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

"Steven is a hero both on and off camera and helps fight crime because he cares about the community," said Robert Sharenow, A&E's unscripted programming guru. "It's such an amazing revelation that this larger-than-life star has been doing real police work for nearly 20 years."

Sheriff Newell Normand adds, "Steven has a very close relationship with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office and I'm proud to have him as part of our team. I cannot tell you how honored I am to not only be affiliated with Steven, but with A&E and all their support in highlighting the efforts, the trials and the tribulations of the men and woman of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office."

"Steven Seagal: Lawman" joins an A&E unscripted stable that already includes "Intervention," "Dog the Bounty Hunter," "Paranormal State" and, occasionally, "The Coreys."

[Racer X]

"As the man says, Seagal has been working for almost 20 years as a fully-commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana. It also turns out that Seagal's movies have grossed more than $2 billion worldwide, which seems equally unlikely."

not that hard to believe. Look at his filmography on IMBD.com, and also see his producing credits. he is always working. Even a few million a movie, invested wisely over several decades, and 2-4 movies every year or so, it adds up.

[bazookaman]

ABOVE THE LAW (1988) PEOPLE KILLED: 12*
Seagal IS Nico Toscani, a renegade cop who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, untangling a sinister CIA conspiracy. NOTABLE FOR: Very little besides being Seagal’s debut, which he earned after impressing mega-agent Michael Ovitz during a stint as his personal trainer. Oh, and for some inexplicable reason being renamed Nico for the European market.

MARKED FOR DEATH (1990) PEOPLE KILLED: 15
Seagal IS john Hatcher, a renegade DEA agent who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, out to take down a Jamaican drug cartel led by the evil Screwface. NOTABLE FOR: Rapid degeneration into surreal voodoo-related plot twists in third “act,” and groveling post-credits apology to the Jamaican people, assuring viewers that the movie is just fiction. As if there were any confusion there.

HARD TO KILL (1990) PEOPLE KILLED: 13
Seagal IS Mason Storm (yes, really) a renegade cop who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, recently awakened from a seven-year coma with a mission to knock off the sleazebags who put him there. And shag Kelly LeBrock. NOTABLE FOR: Hilarious just-out-of-coma hospital gurney chase scene, rivaling virtually anything post-Stooges.

OUT FOR JUSTICE (1991) PEOPLE KILLED: 10
Seagal IS Gino Felino, a renegade cop who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, headed for a lethal showdown with the evil drug kingpin who’s been his enemy ever since the two were in short pants. NOTABLE FOR: Seagal’s interesting fashion foray into beret territory, and for being remarkably mean-spirited, even by Seagal standards.

UNDER SIEGE (1992) PEOPLE KILLED: 5
Seagal IS Casey Ryback, a renegade, urn, galley cook who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, taking it upon himself to single-handedly liberate the USS Missouri from the nutty terrorists who plan to set off the onboard nukes. NOTABLE FOR: Erika Eleniak’s topless birthday cake entrance: a DVD-pauser if ever there was one. And, actually. for being quite good.

ON DEADLY GROUND (1994) PEOPLE KILLED: 30
Seagal IS Forrest Taft, a renegade environmental agent who doesn’t play by the book but who gets results, tasked by an Eskimo chief to defend his people’s Alaskan homeland. NOTABLE FOR: Being “directed” by Seagal himself. And for Michael Caine’s career lowlight as an ultra-evil oil executive, who apparently has half his company’s crude product applied directly to his hair.

UNDER SIEGE 2: DARK TERRITORY (1995) PEOPLE KILLED: 23
Seagal IS Casey Ryback again, a renegade cook who still doesn’t play by the book but who still gets results, this time stuck on a train with a bunch of satellite-jacking terrorists. NOTABLE FOR: Eric Bogosian, obviously smart enough to see the funny side of the whole thing and thereby delivering one of the more refreshing bad-guy turns in recent movie memory.

EXECUTIVE DECISION (1996) PEOPLE KILLED: 17
Seagal IS Austin Travis, a renegade special ops colonel who actually does play by the book and therefore fails to get results, in this surprisingly peppy airline hijack caper. NOTABLE FOR: Seagal getting killed in the first act and leaving it all up to Kurt Russell to sort out.

THE GLIMMER MAN (1996) PEOPLE KILLED: 17
Seagal IS jack Cole, a renegade mystical new-age cop who doesn’t play by the book (that’s better!) but who gets results, teamed up with Keenan Ivory Wayans of all people, on the trail of a serial killer. NOTABLE FOR: A return to Seagal formula, as our now slightly corpulent hero performs his trademark “everybody in the place will now be thrown through that window” scene.

FIRE DOWN BELOW (1997) PEOPLE KILLED: 7
Seagal IS jack Taggart, a renegade EPA agent who doesn’t play by the rules but who gets results, out to punish the evil suits (led by Kris Kristofferson) who are dumping toxic waste into his beloved Kentucky homeland. NOTABLE FOR: Seagal’s unfortunate attempt to branch out as a musician, strumming his six-string both on-screen and on the movie’s soundtrack. Ouch.

THE PATRIOT (1998) PEOPLE KILLED: OH, WE GIVE UP
No, not the good one with Mel Gibson. Here, Seagal IS Wesley Mclaren, a renegade doctor who doesn’t, etc., etc., out to find the cure for a lethal virus unleashed by a military dictator. NOTABLE FOR: Replacing the martial arts and action scenes with lecturing speeches about the benefits of alternative medicine, thereby ensuring its release into straight-to-video hell, and putting Seagal’s career on pause. Until now, it seems ...

[Racer X]

his manager forced him to stop doing movies a few years back until he lost weight. he had become a joke, and a parody of himself. Probably that 1998-2001 dry spell.

[mikebw]

BORING.

[Gutenberg]

I can't think of a reality TV show I would be less interested in, unless it's "George W. Bush: Retirement Fun."

[Seacrest]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIbBGk19tMY

[RAMd®d]

...but the few times I've seen him speak on talk shows, the guy was pretty full of himself, not particularly gracios, and generally hard to like.

I hope this has changed.

One of the things that's always cracked me up about a "Segal" movie is the two- and three-word titles. The guy made a couple of pretty good movies, and the rest were just churned out cookie-cutter style. A few were straight to video.

His range is really limited, so it takes a great script and a really good director to get him to look good. A dietician doesn't hurt either.

He's a great martial artist and it's rare to see one in movies who doesn't do flying side-thrust or roundhouse kicks.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[RAMd®d]

(ponytail not included with purchase)

THAT cracked me up!

So did all the "renegade" references!