Holy cr*p! It looks like I have a date this weekend...

[chas_m]

Don't assume she likes what you like. Yet.

Have fun!

[Mac-A-Matic]

Be friendly. Be comfortable. But if you're an a-hole then don't be yourself.

But don't be a friend. You don't want to end up in the Friend Zone. That's hell.

If she's leaving it up to you on what to do for your date then do things that you have control over - meaning places and activities that you can demonstrate value. If the crowd there knows you and welcomes you, all the better.

Just last night, I was waiting outside a restaurant for some friends when these three cute girls walk past. Now I'm dressed pretty casually so these girls don't pay me much attention and I made sure not to show any interest in them. My friends arrived and we walk in, the three girls are waiting for a table and the host knows my name and immediately seats me past these three girls.

Instantly, I've got power and value in the eyes of these women in spite of them ignoring me just a few moments earlier.

If you can maintain similar situations then your lady will know that you are a man of value that's worthy of putting her time and effort.

Good Luck!


PS - I know it's going to sound odd and corny, but take a look at those Pick Up Artist websites. There's some great socio-analysis going on there that gives great insight into the dating scene.

[PeterB]

Uhhh... I would never date someone who's married!

Pam... that's interesting; what would you consider as some good "uncomfortable silence" questions?

Oh... and about the "Friend Zone" thing. My take on it -- and I was totally honest with her about this -- is that I would always want to be friends first with someone (anyone) that I was going out with. If something develops, great. If not, also fine. I can say that I do find her physically attractive (at least, what I have seen of her). She may or may not feel the same toward me, but if she doesn't find me attractive, I don't see how anything I do (or not do) will change that much. My overall impression of women-- correct me if I'm wrong-- is that they decide within the first 30 secs or so whether or not you are in the "friend zone" (or maybe even faster than 30 secs!). We men, we tend to be a little less discriminating.

[elmo3]

Don't be yourself.

Because if you are yourself, within minutes the whole gerbil thing comes spewing out like water from a fire hose without an off switch.

She will excuse herself to go to the bathroom, and never come back.

[MikeF]

Where is that "this thread is useless without pictures" giant tag line?

Just be yourself. Well almost yourself. If she already knows a little about you, delve deeper into those areas. Yeah, and the whole "mating gerbils" thing should probably not be mentioned.

[Pam]

I would not listen to Mac-A-Matic Anyone putting on airs, or using "power" to get attention doesn't get paid attention to by women of substance. Now if you are looking for a gold digger or a fling ...

Depending on what you have learned up until that point, it could be about a vacation she took, more about her job, where she went to college, hobbies, where she grew up, etc. The hard part about first dates is not feeling uncomfortable if there are silences (that happens with good friends too) and not blanking out on what to say if you just can't stand the silence. Storing away a few questions ahead of time helps. Plus it is an excellent way to get to know her better.

And being a friend does work. That takes the pressure off of both of you. It's always appreciated to feel like the person is interested in you, and not what they hope to get from you that night.

[miK.]

Take her to the Copa through the kitchen "Goodfellas style".
Tell her you're in construction.

But seriously, good luck.

miK.

[PeterB]

Pam, again... interesting, funny you say that, that is EXACTLY what I am looking for, a woman of substance. Hopefully she sees that and respects it. (I get the impression that is what she is looking for in a guy too, so then we are well-matched.) I would say at this point she knows more about me than I about her, so I should have a fair bit to be able to ask her about. And NO, I am not looking for much of anything on a first date... mostly as others have said, to relax, enjoy myself, and for her to do the same.

[GGD]

> what would you consider as some good "uncomfortable silence" questions?

Do you have any jealous, psycho, stalker, violent, ex-boyfriends?

Or maybe just asker her about where she grew up.

[tahoedrew]

I will give you a few rules a good friend once gave me:

Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #58 - The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule #66 - Smile! You're having the time of your life.
Rule #72 - Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints - small cost, big yield.
Rule #80 - Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
Rule #82 - Always think ahead but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
Rule #85 - Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not cool, not effective.
Rule #86 - Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #104 - Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule #106 - Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
Rule #107 - Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
Rule #108 - Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.

Yes some are dumb, or even "childish," but some of these rules are honestly great advice!

~A