11-18-2013, 04:03 AM
mrlynn wrote:
Re Apples Melbourne: Not for me. I love cinnamon; I detest cloves.
Now don't tell me you're going to desecrate your ham with those godawful cloves, as so many evil folk do. . .
/Mr Lynn
Oh, Mr. Lynn, I am thoroughly evil. It's so much fun.
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About Ham
When I was growing up, we had great ham. We also had great bacon. Both were kept side by side hanging in the larder; you could just carve a slice off of either, and cook it up, if you so wished. Say whatever you want about the Staten Island Meat Mafia- they knew their meat.
About the time that we came out to California, things changed. One hot day in May of 1966, our new larder started to smell _really_ bad. You see, Agribusiness had redefined ham and bacon. It has gotten at least an order of magnitude worse since then.
There are two main ways of preserving Porkus Gluteous Maximus: the slow, expensive, dry heat method, and the quick, cheap, brutal brining method. Agribusiness prefers the latter. (The Danes have a thing about canned ham. Just right, for just the right occasion. The right occasion being many miles from any sort of civilization, and incipient starvation.)
But if you want to taste the best ham, ask your local hitman. He will direct you to just the right deli, and after much furtive discussion, you will be given a sliver of Prosciutto to savor. The Good Stuff. The Good Stuff is technically illegal here, but your local hitman knows all about that.
Ham, as it has been historically known, is a preserved product. It is meant to stay edible at roomish temperature for at least a couple of months. Long enough to cull a few Spring lambs for variety.
If you go looking for ham, real ham, nowadays in a Supermarket, you will be disappointed. All those blister-packed jammed full of salty water and who knows what else bloated already contaminated on sale products are _not_ real ham.
But, that is the ham world that we live in, so what do we do about it?
Take a store-bought 10 pound ham, and just accept that it is really a 8 pound ham with a bunch of really profitable salty water.
Stick it in a decent sized pot with around two quarts of apple juice and enough water, and boil the hell out of it. An hour should do nicely. Discard the now arguably poisonous apple juice, and bake or grill the now definitely smaller ham, with no more than a few cloves of clove for company. (Never any pineapple. If you must have pineapple, make a pizza instead. Or a pineapple upside down cake. Or just eat a can of sliced pineapple. Have you ever had the pineapple tongue buzz?)
You did save those leftover cloves from making Apples Melbourne? They are just right for studding the ham. The remaining absorbed apple juice will reluctantly ooze out out of the ham and make a delightful clovish hammy crust while baking/grilling, and the drippings below will jell when cool. Just the perfect substitute for butter the next day when slicing out a generous ham sandwich.
The ham should be dry when presented; that is what all the waterlogged potatoes and cabbage and carrots are there for. Contrast.
There is some debate about mustard. There is no debate about whether mustard is needed or not, just about what _kind_ of mustard. Traditionalists go with powdered Colman's, made up on the spot with a slug of vinegar. I like a good balsamic vinegar. But I have also gotten to be fond of the seedy variety of mustard as well. Afterwards, it gives one a chance to practice one's toothpicking skills. I prefer the hardwood toothpicks.
There is some kind of cultural Holy pact among pork, apples, and cloves. They can be used in just about any combination. Omit the pork, and you have the makings of a terrific desert.
Now for another little secret: you know about all those mounds of corned beef that go on sale just before March 17th, and go on even greater sale the day after?
Just pretend that it is ham, and treat as above.
Eustace