iPhone 5 Won't Display Horizontally—Why?

[OWC Jamie]

Apple, those sneaky devious bastahds tricked me into updating to iOS 10 a week ago.
I've spent all week undoing all this new shit, like lift to turn on, which only makes your phone flash on and off in your pocket.
They sent me an email text with my double security code. I just hope when ever I actually need it I'll remember WTF and WTF it is.