02-19-2018, 02:07 AM
All of the in-house pets we have had, including a rather large rabbit, were cage-only. They could be taken out to hold or pet, but then back in the cage. They didn't get any free roaming time in the house. We have animal dander allergies, and it was generous to allow the small animals in the house at all. Our older son, who has the worst allergies, had a hairless rat at one point.
When we got cats, because our daughters really wanted them, they were outdoors only. (Cat dander is almost impossible to keep corralled, so cats inside was a total non-starter.)
Having a pet is a good lesson in responsibility. It strikes me that offering to have a rabbit stay in the garage is a fine compromise. I assume she wants the animal to live in her room. Another might be to start with a smaller animal like a gerbil or hamster. Graduating to a rabbit would be conditional on adequate care of the smaller animal. Maybe even including her keeping a log of feeding, water jar refilling, and cage cleaning. If our experience is any judge, she has a wholly unrealistic view of how fun the "care" part of having an animal is.
Another issue to discuss is how the animal will be cared for when she is away. Say she has a school trip for a week. Who will she get to care for the animal? It's OK for parents to do this, but also OK for them to put this responsibility on the child.
If she has a friend who has a small animal, or another child does, which you could borrow for a week or two so she could see what's involved in the animal's care (make sure it involves a couple of cage cleanings) that could help sort things out for both of you.
I also agree that throwing a fit ends all conversation immediately at that point. If she wants the responsibility of a pet, she also needs to show the ability to have a responsible conversation about it. Throwing a fit is grounds for dismissal and perhaps other consequences. I'm not sure I'd tie that to riding lessons, however. Other than nagging incessantly for both the riding and the rabbit, what do they have in common? It's best to tie consequences to behavior. Throwing a fit deserves a time-out, and maybe other consequences relevant to family harmony. But does it deserve taking away of an activity which teaches her a skill, responsibility (good horse barns teach about animal care) and which she enjoys?
Final bit of advice: my guess is that she's gotten very good at pushing your buttons. If you can figure out what these are, and not allow them to get pushed - i.e. not rise to the bait of her disruptive actions, but calmly not accept them - you may have better results.
There is nothing wrong with being the uniquely horrible dad "who won't let her do anything her friends do". My kids (now 21 to 29) thank me today for being consistently "strict", although not unreasonable. A child's wants being met have to fit with the whole family's environment. But it's also important to listen to what's important to them, which it sounds like you are doing.
Good luck.
- Winston
When we got cats, because our daughters really wanted them, they were outdoors only. (Cat dander is almost impossible to keep corralled, so cats inside was a total non-starter.)
Having a pet is a good lesson in responsibility. It strikes me that offering to have a rabbit stay in the garage is a fine compromise. I assume she wants the animal to live in her room. Another might be to start with a smaller animal like a gerbil or hamster. Graduating to a rabbit would be conditional on adequate care of the smaller animal. Maybe even including her keeping a log of feeding, water jar refilling, and cage cleaning. If our experience is any judge, she has a wholly unrealistic view of how fun the "care" part of having an animal is.
Another issue to discuss is how the animal will be cared for when she is away. Say she has a school trip for a week. Who will she get to care for the animal? It's OK for parents to do this, but also OK for them to put this responsibility on the child.
If she has a friend who has a small animal, or another child does, which you could borrow for a week or two so she could see what's involved in the animal's care (make sure it involves a couple of cage cleanings) that could help sort things out for both of you.
I also agree that throwing a fit ends all conversation immediately at that point. If she wants the responsibility of a pet, she also needs to show the ability to have a responsible conversation about it. Throwing a fit is grounds for dismissal and perhaps other consequences. I'm not sure I'd tie that to riding lessons, however. Other than nagging incessantly for both the riding and the rabbit, what do they have in common? It's best to tie consequences to behavior. Throwing a fit deserves a time-out, and maybe other consequences relevant to family harmony. But does it deserve taking away of an activity which teaches her a skill, responsibility (good horse barns teach about animal care) and which she enjoys?
Final bit of advice: my guess is that she's gotten very good at pushing your buttons. If you can figure out what these are, and not allow them to get pushed - i.e. not rise to the bait of her disruptive actions, but calmly not accept them - you may have better results.
There is nothing wrong with being the uniquely horrible dad "who won't let her do anything her friends do". My kids (now 21 to 29) thank me today for being consistently "strict", although not unreasonable. A child's wants being met have to fit with the whole family's environment. But it's also important to listen to what's important to them, which it sounds like you are doing.
Good luck.
- Winston