09-08-2019, 12:15 PM
GeneL wrote:
When I asked him why he was so angry with me, one of the reasons was that he had chosen to stay overnight at one of his high school friends house. In the morning when he got up he walked out to the living room and found that they were filming a porno there!
He blames me for allowing him to stay there, saying that I should have checked the people out??? Mind you, this was before the internet took off, so how was I supposed to "check them out?" As far fetched as it may sound, he is still blaming me instead of himself for putting him in that situation.
Whatever his reasons, he has cut himself and my grandchildren off from me, so I have no relatives for support here in California.
It is the people who were filming the porn who were to blame for the situation, not you and not your son either. None of us has ESP, and there is a limit to what any of us can infer about the secrets other people keep from us. Perhaps it was the arguing over blame that caused the rift as much as the original events themselves. It is very difficult for all of us to cope with the fact that many things are beyond anyone's control. It is often more satisfying in the short term to find someone to blame, even if that interferes with a long term solution.
Your son was clearly distressed by finding himself in an alarming and perhaps frightening situation, and that memory has stayed with him, as such memories often do. Perhaps a conversation with him about this distress would be helpful, as long as it doesn't deteriorate into a contest over blame.