Friday Funnies

[Rick-o]

My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl.

I said no I didn’t know he could.

[Fred_Also]

A little boy riding his bicycle home from school notices the community pastor in his front yard with a lawn mower. Not paying much attention, the boy goes on home and does his chores. Later the boy goes back by the pastor's house and sees him still in the yard with the mower and no grass has been cut.

Curious, the boy stops and watches for a while. The pastor notices the little boy and beckons him to come. The pastor asks the little boy, "Son, do you know anything about starting one of these things?"

The little boy replies, "Oh yes, sir. I've seen my daddy do it a hundred times."

The pastor asks, "Well son could you tell me what it is I have to do to get this thing started?"

Little boy says, "Yes sir. You got to cuss it. I mean you got to cuss it real good."

Pastor says, "I've been a preacher for 37 years. I believe I may have forgotten how to cuss."

The little boy says to the pastor, "You just keep pulling on that cord it'll come back to you!"

[Numo]

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive . . . It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3am this morning...3am!! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised.

[ztirffritz]

I once swallowed a book of synonyms.

It’s gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

[DP]

But replacing the car behind the woman was pretty good

It's probably jfamie013's car! In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if he created the images prior to posting...