08-09-2019, 09:41 AM
I HAVEN'T RESPONDED FOR A SHORT TIME BECAUSE I AM IN THE HOSPITAL!
Yesterday, (Wed) after dialysis Mavis came to pick me up. Dialysis was cut short due to equipment problems. I had been complaining that I was very cold.
Mavis told me that I walked to the car and when I sat down my legs were shaking. That was the last thing that I remembered.
Sometime later I woke up in the hospital with no memory of how I got there.
Turns out that I had pneumonia, a common cold and a 103° fever.
I don't know how long that I will be hospitalized.
I can see that there is more about my relationship with Mavis that I have to share with you all. In explaining our situation you will see why the suggestions that some of you have offered wouldn't work for me.
Our relationship has lasted some 33 years. We measure the years from our first date, May 4th 33 years ago. After a short time dating Mavis came to live with me and we have lived together ever since.
When we met Mavis was married, but legally separated. She shared a house with her husband, but I understood that the marriage was over.
Over the years, I often wished that Mavis would divorce, but she put me off saying that it would cost too much in taxes.
After that we lived together much as husband and wife. We had our ups and downs, but somehow the pendulum always came to rest with problems in the past and we moved on, together.
When I met Mavis I was living in a villa in Laguna. It was a fantasy place. Built in 1917 by the architect who was responsible for the Mission Inn in Riverside, California.
There was a main house where the owner lived and several smaller units, probably designed to house guests of the owner. It sat on a cliff right over the ocean so looking out my windows I could see Catalina, whales and ships of all sorts. It was very beautiful.
We lived there for several years until my business went downhill.
We looked for a place to move to and found the condo where we have been living for the last twenty years.
After renting for a time I got a call from the owner saying that he wanted to sell the condo offering it for the price he had paid originally.
This was a steal. I couldn't afford to buy it, but Mavis could. And so it goes.
Although I offered to pitch in many times, Mavis didn't want me to. Basically it seems she did that to prevent me from having any "interest" in the ownership of the condo. My alternative was to spend my money on food for us and "things" for the condo and various forms of entertainment. I'm afraid that I saved nothing. My mistake, I am sorry to say, was to not allow for the circumstances that I am now faced with.
The story continues with my becoming ill with infections called C-diff and pneumonia. On my pulmonologist's recommendation I rushed to emergency and was admitted. Because I was contagious I was put in isolation a there I stayed for months. Altogether, between two hospitals and several nursing facilities I have been away from home for over five months.
It was during this time that Mavis' daughter took advantage of my absence, telling Mavis that if she let me come home she wouldn't get any support from her family and that she wouldn't ever see her grandchildren and great grandchildren again.
When Mavis told me about this she also added that her daughter had driven her to the hospital to find out why she had a pain in her arm with no visible injury. While she was being looked at her daughter lied to doctors there that Mavis had a panic attack, prompting them to perform a scan of her brain. They found no problem, but that her daughter did that made Mavis terrified of what else she could do.
When I have attempted to encourage her to fight back she became hysterical with fear. It was terrible for me to see. I just couldn't stand being the reason for her to become so upset.
Any of you who are parents may have experienced saying something or doing something that made your little child so upset with fear that they just crumbled in front of you because they didn't have the experience to deal with the situation. That is what it felt like to me when Mavis described her fear of what would happen if she let me come home.
I just couldn't stand to bring out that terrified feeling that I saw, so I have backed off. I don't want to hurt her because I love her, so I am stuck, not able to get her to protect herself and not able to bring legal remedies into the situation.
As it is, Mavis will let me take my collectibles and even the bulk of our furniture, antiques that I bought at auction and had at my place in Laguna Beach when we first got together. She even offer to let me sell the carved bird pins that I had given her over the years.
From my point of view, I could push my legal rights and perhaps even pursue a case against her daughter, but I would lose the one person that I can ask to help me with rides and other fundamental things. She even has been coming to pick me up from dialysis and taking my dirty clothes home and laundering them for me.
So you see that I have more to lose than to gain, especially when you consider that she clearly loves me, so how could I ever be able to find that kind of bond based on thirty years together?
No doubt her fear is not based on what would be best for her in the long run, but she is going to be 88 in just a few weeks and is emotionally frail because of her age.
That's my situation with Mavis and I think that most of you can get my dilemma.
Short of someone knowing of a place that I could rent for what I can afford, the offers of assistance to aid in selling my collectibles would be a great aid for me. It is the logistics that I can't easily figure out. It would take my going home, photographing everything (no small task even were I in excellent health). I find the thought of doing this rather daunting.
I am open to any ideas that any of you can suggest???
As some have mentioned the logistics, if you live far from me, make it difficult for me to imagine how we could work together to sell my stuff. I am open to ideas.
Has my story filled in the gaps that you've had with our situation. If not, please let me know and I will do my best to fill you in.
Thank you all for your suggestions and offers of assistance. Now all I have to do is to figure out how to make any of them work out. Please keep in mind the logistics of the situation and apply that to any offers that you would like to make.
I need real friends right now and even though space-time thinks he doesn't know me, it is my thought that over all the years that we have been posting very intimate information about ourselves and our lives it has produced some real sense of friendship among the long time members. Am I wrong?
I do know that when a bunch of us got together for the MR SOCAL Luncheon the atmosphere was of very good friends who were happy to see each other. I look back on that event with pride and happiness for the success that I felt seeing the pleasure that everyone there seemed to feel just being together in person. That certainly convinced me that those of us who choose to see other forum members as friends actually have them as friends when they finally meet in person.
Don't most of you agree with me?
Once again, you have my thanks for investing a bit of yourself in my life. Please let me know if my attempt to clarify the situation for you was successful.
Your friend,
GeneL
Yesterday, (Wed) after dialysis Mavis came to pick me up. Dialysis was cut short due to equipment problems. I had been complaining that I was very cold.
Mavis told me that I walked to the car and when I sat down my legs were shaking. That was the last thing that I remembered.
Sometime later I woke up in the hospital with no memory of how I got there.
Turns out that I had pneumonia, a common cold and a 103° fever.
I don't know how long that I will be hospitalized.
I can see that there is more about my relationship with Mavis that I have to share with you all. In explaining our situation you will see why the suggestions that some of you have offered wouldn't work for me.
Our relationship has lasted some 33 years. We measure the years from our first date, May 4th 33 years ago. After a short time dating Mavis came to live with me and we have lived together ever since.
When we met Mavis was married, but legally separated. She shared a house with her husband, but I understood that the marriage was over.
Over the years, I often wished that Mavis would divorce, but she put me off saying that it would cost too much in taxes.
After that we lived together much as husband and wife. We had our ups and downs, but somehow the pendulum always came to rest with problems in the past and we moved on, together.
When I met Mavis I was living in a villa in Laguna. It was a fantasy place. Built in 1917 by the architect who was responsible for the Mission Inn in Riverside, California.
There was a main house where the owner lived and several smaller units, probably designed to house guests of the owner. It sat on a cliff right over the ocean so looking out my windows I could see Catalina, whales and ships of all sorts. It was very beautiful.
We lived there for several years until my business went downhill.
We looked for a place to move to and found the condo where we have been living for the last twenty years.
After renting for a time I got a call from the owner saying that he wanted to sell the condo offering it for the price he had paid originally.
This was a steal. I couldn't afford to buy it, but Mavis could. And so it goes.
Although I offered to pitch in many times, Mavis didn't want me to. Basically it seems she did that to prevent me from having any "interest" in the ownership of the condo. My alternative was to spend my money on food for us and "things" for the condo and various forms of entertainment. I'm afraid that I saved nothing. My mistake, I am sorry to say, was to not allow for the circumstances that I am now faced with.
The story continues with my becoming ill with infections called C-diff and pneumonia. On my pulmonologist's recommendation I rushed to emergency and was admitted. Because I was contagious I was put in isolation a there I stayed for months. Altogether, between two hospitals and several nursing facilities I have been away from home for over five months.
It was during this time that Mavis' daughter took advantage of my absence, telling Mavis that if she let me come home she wouldn't get any support from her family and that she wouldn't ever see her grandchildren and great grandchildren again.
When Mavis told me about this she also added that her daughter had driven her to the hospital to find out why she had a pain in her arm with no visible injury. While she was being looked at her daughter lied to doctors there that Mavis had a panic attack, prompting them to perform a scan of her brain. They found no problem, but that her daughter did that made Mavis terrified of what else she could do.
When I have attempted to encourage her to fight back she became hysterical with fear. It was terrible for me to see. I just couldn't stand being the reason for her to become so upset.
Any of you who are parents may have experienced saying something or doing something that made your little child so upset with fear that they just crumbled in front of you because they didn't have the experience to deal with the situation. That is what it felt like to me when Mavis described her fear of what would happen if she let me come home.
I just couldn't stand to bring out that terrified feeling that I saw, so I have backed off. I don't want to hurt her because I love her, so I am stuck, not able to get her to protect herself and not able to bring legal remedies into the situation.
As it is, Mavis will let me take my collectibles and even the bulk of our furniture, antiques that I bought at auction and had at my place in Laguna Beach when we first got together. She even offer to let me sell the carved bird pins that I had given her over the years.
From my point of view, I could push my legal rights and perhaps even pursue a case against her daughter, but I would lose the one person that I can ask to help me with rides and other fundamental things. She even has been coming to pick me up from dialysis and taking my dirty clothes home and laundering them for me.
So you see that I have more to lose than to gain, especially when you consider that she clearly loves me, so how could I ever be able to find that kind of bond based on thirty years together?
No doubt her fear is not based on what would be best for her in the long run, but she is going to be 88 in just a few weeks and is emotionally frail because of her age.
That's my situation with Mavis and I think that most of you can get my dilemma.
Short of someone knowing of a place that I could rent for what I can afford, the offers of assistance to aid in selling my collectibles would be a great aid for me. It is the logistics that I can't easily figure out. It would take my going home, photographing everything (no small task even were I in excellent health). I find the thought of doing this rather daunting.
I am open to any ideas that any of you can suggest???
As some have mentioned the logistics, if you live far from me, make it difficult for me to imagine how we could work together to sell my stuff. I am open to ideas.
Has my story filled in the gaps that you've had with our situation. If not, please let me know and I will do my best to fill you in.
Thank you all for your suggestions and offers of assistance. Now all I have to do is to figure out how to make any of them work out. Please keep in mind the logistics of the situation and apply that to any offers that you would like to make.
I need real friends right now and even though space-time thinks he doesn't know me, it is my thought that over all the years that we have been posting very intimate information about ourselves and our lives it has produced some real sense of friendship among the long time members. Am I wrong?
I do know that when a bunch of us got together for the MR SOCAL Luncheon the atmosphere was of very good friends who were happy to see each other. I look back on that event with pride and happiness for the success that I felt seeing the pleasure that everyone there seemed to feel just being together in person. That certainly convinced me that those of us who choose to see other forum members as friends actually have them as friends when they finally meet in person.
Don't most of you agree with me?
Once again, you have my thanks for investing a bit of yourself in my life. Please let me know if my attempt to clarify the situation for you was successful.
Your friend,
GeneL
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