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A penguin walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Nice tuxedo, what's the occasion?"
"I was supposed to get married today," the penguin says.
"Well then, what happened?" the bartender asks.
"I got cold feet."
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Jackson didn't think Obama is a "genuine" black either. Who is the racist there?
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender quickly produces a bottle and a chilled glass.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."
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The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting,
"Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."
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A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
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Are you the admin here? You didn't say.
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So this guy buys a parrot for his kids, but the bird is just obnoxious. He uses bad language and no one can handle it at all without getting pinched, until finally one day the bird insults the man's wife.
He grabs the bird and tosses it cursing and flapping into the freezer and slams the door.
After a few seconds all is quiet. The fellow opens the door and the parrot meekly walks out. "I realize I've offended you and I'm truly sorry and humbly beg your forgiveness."
The fellow is touched and replies "Thank you, you're forgiven."
"Thank you" says the parrot. "Now if I might ask: what did the chicken do?"
