graduation party protocol

[wurm]

So, my son will be graduating high school at the end of the month. We have already received two invitations to graduation parties from two of his friends' families. We'll probably have a party for him next month as well, and he'll invite the dozen or so kids he's been closest with over the past few years. Now maybe it's just me (and my wife seems to think it is), but I wouldn't expect anyone to bring any type of gift to our party. This is not a birthday which would be his alone among his friends, but rather an occasion where they are all celebrating the same thing. And of course, by extension, I'm wondering if we're expected to bring a gift to the parties he (and probably we) will attend.

So do you think a gift is expected, and if so, what is appropriate? We can't afford hookers and booze for everyone. Cash is probably the best option, but then, how much? I'm talking about for his friends, not for our son. And should there be something for each of his best friends or only if we attend a party thrown of their behalf? This could get costly.

Opine away.

[DavidS]

Let them share the hookers and booze?

[Pam]

If your son is going to a friend's graduation party, no. If you and your wife are going, you guys bring a gift. None of the grads should feel like they need to bring a gift to each other's parties. The parents on the other hand probably should if they are attending.

[cbelt3]

There are two types of graduation parties.

1- The party for the graduate and their school friends. It's a time to hang out, blow off steam and stress, discuss plans for the future, and for many of them to say goodbye. Music, food, drink, some sequestered makeout spots, and a reasonable level of adult supervision to avoid complaints and arrests. Guests should bring food, games, music, beverages. NOT gifts. And depending on your state laws, you will probably want to highly discourage adult beverages. (in Ohio the host parents end up in jail if someone brings a six-pack to a high school party)

2- The party for the graduate and his parent's friends (think "The Graduate" and the famous "Plastics" line). It's a chance for the new graduate to learn how to network, talk about college, talk about jobs, and learn how to communicate as an adult in an adult world. Guests should bring themselves, perhaps a bottle or other relevant present for the hosts.

In neither case should the graduate expect any sort of present. He got an education, that's enough for now. If Mom and Dad got him a 'cool' graduation present, he'll want to show it off to his friends, fine. If someone wants to bring him something, that's fine too. Kids sometimes like to bring keepsakes for each other's graduation parties.

[Chupa Chupa]

I agree with Pam. If this is just a "kids" party then no need for a gift. If this is a parents + kids then a token gift would be the polite thing to bring. It has nothing to do with the reason for the party. If you are invited to someone's home for a party then it's proper to bring something. Or as my mom drilled into my head... never go to a person's house empty handed. If its just a small gathering something food related that can be shared by all is appropriate.

[wurm]

Thanks for the input so far.

In both these cases, they are "join us as we celebrate_____'s graduation", type parties. They were addressed to the family. I'm trying to figure out if it's more appropriate to treat it as Chupa mentioned, as if it were a house party where one might bring a bottle or something, or whether we'll fee like idiots if we don't bring an envelope for the graduate.

[Pam]

You're going to feel like an idiot not bringing an envelope for the graduate.

[Michael]

It's easy.

Bring the envelope ($25-$100 depending on how high-end your kid and the friends are) and pull it out of your pocket if there are other envelopes there.

If not, buy hookers and booze with it later!