+- MacResource (https://forums.macresource.com)
+-- Forum: My Category (https://forums.macresource.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1)
+--- Forum: Tips and Deals (https://forums.macresource.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=3)
+--- Thread: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? (/showthread.php?tid=81639)
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - davester - 07-22-2009
Grumpyguy wrote:
And I'll dare use the word no one else here will use, it is freaking IMMORAL and nothing good will come of it.
No one else is daring to use the word because it is a totally subjective call based on cultural and religious instilled values which vary widely across our society.
There is no bright line separating immoral from moral behaviour except when one person or group attempts to do harm to or inflict their values on a different nonconsenting person or group.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - Grumpyguy - 07-22-2009
davester wrote:
[quote=Grumpyguy]
And I'll dare use the word no one else here will use, it is freaking IMMORAL and nothing good will come of it.
No one else is daring to use the word because it is a totally subjective call based on cultural and religious instilled values which vary widely across our society.
There is no bright line separating immoral from moral behaviour except when one person or group attempts to do harm to or inflict their values on a different nonconsenting person or group.
You know, I'll remember that next time someone is in a crosswalk, as you know not running over someone is just one group inflicting their values on another.
Ban the crosswalks!!!!! Someone doesn't value my time.... : )
All laws and customs are subjective if you want to go down that road.
Shame is something that has been banished by the sixties crowd. Accept shame and morals used to be an impediment to keep people from doing stupid things that, in the long run, would hurt them.
Just saying. Don't really care what these people do, but I do feel free to impose my subjective, but usually correct moral system on others : )
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - blooz - 07-22-2009
So if they wanted commitment, and she married both of them, she'd be breaking the law.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - JoeH - 07-22-2009
I can understand your concerns, it is not a relationship that works for many. I have known a number of persons involved in polyamory relationships over the years. Some have worked very well, they were suited psychologically to the arrangement and made it work. For others, it did not work out. The phrase "train wreck" applies very well to those cases.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - AlphaDog - 07-22-2009
As I read this article and also did more reading about polyamorous relationships in general, my thoughts were not particularly accepting. Normally I'm more inclined toward a 'live and let live' attitude, but there's something about this that's sending up red flags.
OK, so I can almost (notice I said almost) imagine a relationship among three people, but the three people featured in the article seem to be pushing this polyamorous thing beyond the limits I thought were somewhat implied. We are introduced to three people living together as a "family." What about those outsiders who are apparently having independent relationships with each of the three prinicipals of this article? How can they possibly be included within the polyamorous relationship? In order to do that, you'd have to have six people involved in what I'd guess could be called "cross relationships." I really see this more as a way to try to rationalize some pretty casual sexual behavior. It's like they figured if they could give it a fancy sounding name that it would gain credibility and social acceptance. Normally I'm not considered a prude, but, in the specific situation presented in the article, I'm inclined to side with grumpyguy. Of course, is the past, I have asked grumpyguy if he'd be offended if I changed my user name to grumpygal, because I can be grumpy.
Other information I read about polyamorous relationships described something much more committed than this particular group's idea of how it's defined. I think they're just hiding behind it and are really nothing more than roommates with benefits.
What we don't know is how the relationship TJZ's son is involved in compares to what's described. Given what I've read, there just might be people out there in the world who can pull this off, although you wouldn't find me volunteering to test the concept.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - PeterB - 07-22-2009
I think if it's occurring between consenting adults, that's their choice.
However, whether you should support your 21 year old son doing it, that's a wholly different question. Even if he's enjoying the "milk for free" arrangement, psychologically, it's probably not good for him. Gen Y also has a very different idea of what's acceptable sexually in general -- it seems they will have oral or "regular" sex at the drop of a hat, and it's almost nothing more serious to them than kissing.
Also, mikebw really does have a point, rarely are people (male and female both) truly honest about what they want.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - Numo - 07-22-2009
I may be wrong, but it seems to me that committing to one person is probably harder than committing to two. When you have two partners, it would be easier to ditch one of them if the going got tough (such as a job loss or a serious illness) because you would still have the security of a traditional two person relationship to fall back on.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - davester - 07-22-2009
Grumpyguy wrote: You know, I'll remember that next time someone is in a crosswalk, as you know not running over someone is just one group inflicting their values on another.
What is it about "...except when one person or group attempts to do harm to..." that you don't understand? You seem to have a serious reading comprehension issue in addition to an "impose personal values on others who disagree with them" issue.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - RAMd®d - 07-23-2009
I'm not sure that this discussion would even be taking place if it were one guy living with two gals, and having a third on the side.
Ain't that the truth. It's a patriarchal pond and the ripples affect most.
The woman is a slut. Isn't that always the case? The guy is a hero, a stud, but the woman is any number of disparaging, even evil things-- including needy, desperate, greedy...
It's amazing how much people apparently know just from reading that article, a reminder that small minds can be found just about anywhere.
Interesting article, but I didn't bother reading the comments. I'll bet (and this is me doing my own jumping to conclusions) that a lot of them are far worse than some here.
Re: Polyamory - a mom's nightmare? - Mike Sellers - 07-23-2009
Grumpyguy wrote: And I'll dare use the word no one else here will use, it is freaking IMMORAL and nothing good will come of it.
And I think "monogamous" folks should devote their energies to getting the divorce rate well under 50% before they start criticizing the lifestyles of non-monogamous consenting adults.