So our daughter calls this morning and says she wants to move back home...

[Buck]

Buzz wrote:
You nailed it before your first period...
She's 23
///

Yes but there's more.
Shacking up - Dumbest thing to do
In a bar - Stupid
"that he loved her, but wasn't IN love with her anymore" - That's why you get a commitment. It gets you through the though times. Part of the reason for our 30 year marriage is the strong commitment we both made before tying the knot.
"they should move apart for at least a month" - make that forever

[CJsNvrUrly]

As usual, you have great replies and humor that gets me through.
As her MOM (wink to rgG), what do I do the next time this happens?...and it will.
BTW, my husband of 34 years/her dad is going to bring her large furniture back to her house today. We can't be that cold (so as not to do so).

[3d]

Just out of curiosity, what's the time-line of all these events? It sounds like it was over the course of 24 hours starting in the bar(?). In which case she sounds to me like an emotional drama queen.

They go to a bar, break up, she calls you in the morning, you move her furniture out in the afternoon, she goes back late afternoon for more stuff, he starts blubbering, she and the bf come by early evening to move the stuff back?

"What do I do the next time this happens?...and it will."
Next time, hire movers on her dime. Distance yourself/family from the moving. She has to see that her drama and decisions have repercussions that involve more than mommy and daddy. You'll be there to emotionally support her. But let her wallet feel a bit of the pinch and lets see how fast she wizens up. Cold? nah. Lesson learned.

[Thrift Store Scott]

3d wrote:
Just out of curiosity, what's the time-line of all these events? It sounds like it was over the course of 24 hours starting in the bar(?). In which case she sounds to me like an emotional drama queen.

They go to a bar, break up, she calls you in the morning, you move her furniture out in the afternoon, she goes back late afternoon for more stuff, he starts blubbering, she and the bf come by early evening to move the stuff back?

"What do I do the next time this happens?...and it will."
Next time, hire movers on her dime. Distance yourself/family from the moving. She has to see that her drama and decisions have repercussions that involve more than mommy and daddy. You'll be there to emotionally support her. But let her wallet feel a bit of the pinch and lets see how fast she wizens up. Cold? nah. Lesson learned.

^ I couldn't have put it better myself. She's creating, or at the very least allowing herself to play a major part in, all this unnecessary drama in an environment free of personal responsibility or repercussions.

[Lemon Drop]

Interesting thread.

Thinking back (OK, way back) to my early twenties, I do wish that my parents had been more honest and open with me about what they thought about a couple of guys I dated. Not that they would make demands or try to place restrictions, just share honest feedback based on their wisdom and the fact that they loved me and wanted the best for my future.
One thing I'd say to a daughter in that situation: you deserve better. Is this guy husband material? If not, then we think while we will respect him as your friend, you may want to invest less in this particular relationship and keep your options more open and your independence, at this stage, a priority.
May not apply at all to this daughter or her boyfriend, just one person looking back...

[Buzz]

Period (punctuation), a punctuation mark indicating the end of a sentence or phrase, specifically, a dot.


///

[JoeH]

Lemon Drop wrote:
Interesting thread.

Thinking back (OK, way back) to my early twenties, I do wish that my parents had been more honest and open with me about what they thought about a couple of guys I dated. Not that they would make demands or try to place restrictions, just share honest feedback based on their wisdom and the fact that they loved me and wanted the best for my future.

Though having been in that situation myself and knowing that 30+ years ago I probably would not have listened, I have to ask if you would have listened to your parents then. Unfortunately emotion often blocks that type of communication, and perhaps they knew just how far they could go in giving feedback. 20/20 hindsight is often like that, you think you would have paid attention but the reality was different.

[CJsNvrUrly]

I find this thread interesting because I don't think I ever actually said how I felt about her boyfriend one way or another. I'm not blind to my daughter's flaws or flair for drama. I love her perhaps too much and overlook too much.
As it happened, it rained today, so Waitin4CJ couldn't bring the bed and other furniture back to her place. Another night on the uncomfortable couch. (That, at least, hadn't been moved out yet.) Oh well. Ha ha.

[Lemon Drop]

JoeH wrote:
[quote=Lemon Drop]
Interesting thread.

Thinking back (OK, way back) to my early twenties, I do wish that my parents had been more honest and open with me about what they thought about a couple of guys I dated. Not that they would make demands or try to place restrictions, just share honest feedback based on their wisdom and the fact that they loved me and wanted the best for my future.

Though having been in that situation myself and knowing that 30+ years ago I probably would not have listened, I have to ask if you would have listened to your parents then. Unfortunately emotion often blocks that type of communication, and perhaps they knew just how far they could go in giving feedback. 20/20 hindsight is often like that, you think you would have paid attention but the reality was different.
I listened then and I listen now.