Discipline of a teenager

[Carm]

Good advice here. I would have given the riding lessons for good grades/ behavior/ respect. My freshman son asked to do scuba lessons and an overnight scuba trip off Catalina offered through school. He is very respectful and does well in school. He doesn’t pester for anything. We don’t put up with that. That’s just not how we raised him. He was disrespectful a few times a couple of years ago and we talked to him about that not being acceptable behavior. He had issues with it but we worked through it. One thing I have learned is that you have to be firm but fair. Say what you mean and follow through. If they can’t follow your rules there is a problem and you have to figure out how to solve it. My older son had similar issues of disrespect and “homework problems” and he lost his door to his room and his computer. He almost had me go to his classes with him because he was not doing his work in class. ALMOST. I told him I will take the day off to go to class with him to find out what the problem is. He is currently in his second year in college. Doing very well. His younger brother the Freshman learned from his brothers mistakes. I know not all children are the same, but they all need guidance. EDIT: and tough love.

[Wags]

Lock yourself in the closet until she's a grandmother

[Speedy]

The riding lessons are sort of a done deal. It's either all or nothing with them. Better to confiscate her phone and computer for 24 hours. Give her one warning: Next time you bring up the rabbit, it's 24 hours with no phone and no computer except for supervised school work. A couple of 24 hour confiscations and your problem will go away.

[Article Accelerator]

cbelt3 wrote: Life is full of teachable instructive moments.

T,FTFY

[DeusxMac]

[Ombligo]

Take her phone away for one day each time she asks - she will figure it out pretty quickly.

[raz]

Not sure about the boy/girl thing. Both my kids went through the hellscape of teen manipulation and tantrums. But the (older) daughter was far worse.

But, yes, you need to be firm. If you concede the rabbit, she'll know that that behavior gets her what she wants.

FWIW, by the time they had a year or two away at college, we had retroactively become far better parents.

[davester]

First off, the horse riding lessons are not relevant to the bunny question. Leave that out of it. Secondly, it's important that you don't get into an argument over the merits of having a bunny. You and your daughter are not equals in this matter, It's your home that you provide and therefore it runs under your reasonable rules (I presume that you and your wife are united on this front, otherwise all is lost). The second you start arguing you have lost the high ground IMHO. You should be respectful, state your decision is, state exactly the reason for the decision and note that it is non-negotiable. You should also tell her that arguing is disrespectful and disruptive of the household and will result in restrictions (loss of phone, liberty, etc. which you must follow through on exactly as you tell her). End of story.

[DeusxMac]

raz wrote:
FWIW, by the time they had a year or two away at college, we had retroactively become far better parents.

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

Samuel Langhorne Clemens

[Bill in NC]

life's all about options - there are always trade-offs

e.g. horse riding lessons vs. a bunny

not both