07-13-2011, 07:04 PM
kap wrote:
Greetings Ms./Mr [last name],
Your opening position for a Clinical Research Coordinator has recently been sent to my attention. With eight years of experience coordinating clinical trials, as well as thirteen years as a field interviewer and research assistant, I feel appropriately qualified to excel in this position. I am a team player, a congenial and effective liaison, and a self-starter with the ability to work autonomously under minimal supervision. I enjoy commuting and will relocate if necessary.
Attached is my resume for your review. You will find that I have worked amongst a vast population of many cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, with ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric. I hope that you will consider me a strong candidate for this position and will eagerly await your reply.
Sincerely,
"Greetings" is a little informal. A cover letter is a kind of business letter. Unless you are familiar with the recipient, stick to the classic "Dear."
The first sentence is not well constructed and it's largely redundant since it can certainly be intuited that an applicant for that job would have had the job brought to their attention. If this is a printed letter and not emailed then just include a "Re:" line below the addresses at the top: Re: Clinical Research Coordinator Position. (Without the italics.) If this is an emailed cover letter then the job-title should be mentioned in the subject line.
Strike "appropriately." It's redundant. I don't think that "feel" belongs there either. As a general rule, you should make strong statements in your cover letter. "I am qualified..." but I'm not too keen on that sentence, either.
Try something like this for your introductory paragraph:
With eight years of experience coordinating clinical trials and thirteen years as a field interviewer and research assistant before that, I have unique knowledge of regulatory practices, understanding of the principles behind pharmaceutical studies and skill at navigating the intricate regulations of supervising government agencies.
Don't put commas before "and" at the end of a list.
"Amongst" is not used in 21st century American English.
I'd strike the whole second paragraph and come up with a list of three specific impressive achievements from previous employment. Example:
In my current position, I create and oversee business plans for our sales teams. In the last five years our teams have achieved every one of our sales targets under budget.
You don't have to mention that your resume is attached. If it wasn't attached, that would be weird.
Ending your letter with "I hope..." is unnecessary. It's implied by the existence of the application letter. A simple "thank you" for time, attention or consideration makes a good closing sentence.