"He's just not that into you" and other dating woes

[mattkime]

also, you should know better than to expect good dating advice from a mac based message board.

nerds!

[Seacrest]

I would think that if he's enough of a loser to actually consider the speed dating ritual, then he's probably not that used to leaving his parents' basement and talking to girls, so it couldn't hurt to shoot him a non-committal missive to say "hi."

I would say more, but my Mom is calling me to come wash her feet. I gotta head upstairs.

[3d]

dmann Wrote:
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> 3d- as TEMPTING of an offer as that is, I think
> I'll pass on posting a pic. Enough people on this
> forum have met me in person and can vouch for my
> appearance (or lack thereof!)
>
> You guys aren't helping me here. I can play the
> "email. Don't email" game by myself. I was hoping
> for a strong consensus!
>
> DM


OK, ok... How about this...
Wait til "trisho" chimes in with her advice. And do what she suggests. I think she is single, in your age range and dating. LOL

Re: looks
Oh stop it! I'm sure you're exaggerating. There are a TON of guys here. Can it be any worse than speed dating with complete strangers?! This is where you gotta be aggressive. You have to be aggressive in putting yourself out there. DO NOT be aggressive in how you contact guys. It's a red flag. Double standard? Yes. Fair? No. It's about emotional attachements. Hey,, if you can handle it. Go for it. Call this guy who's been ignoring you for a week. Let's hear his excuse. I bet it'll be good

[rgG]

I was just told my advice didn't count, but I'll give it anyway. Go ahead and send one e-mail. If he reponds quickly then it's a good sign. If he is slow on the uptake, then I say cross him off the list. But, you are supposed to ignore my advice anyway because I haven't been on the dating scene for a long time. B)

[tuqqer]

Let him eMail you first. If you eMail him first you'll be seen as "easy". If you don't hear from him, move on.


Good god. Well it's good to actually hear of the different opinions here, on how people would respond if the woman called first. It shows that you can not second-guess anyone as to how they'd react.

My 2¢: fer gosh sakes, call him. You have NOTHING to lose. If the guy happens to be of the kind that translates 'you called first" into "wow, she's easy", you will pick that up in about 15 minutes of the date, and you can make the evening as short or long as you want to.

Personally, I think an enormous amount of suffering and loneliness would just go away if people were a bit more straight forward, took some initiative, and broke a few of the dumber rules and assumptions that freeze people into place.

[Mike Sellers]

3d Wrote:
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> Throw out any and all advice from people who have
> not dated in the past 5+ years for whatever
> reason. Married, LTR, or losers. Their advice is
> worthless.
>

Mike's rule #1:
dmann, throw out any and all advice from a guy who admits he goes out with women he's not really interested in just to get sex.

> You want advice from someone who is single and
> active in the dating scene TODAY. It's true you
> gotta be aggressive in your dating tactics. But DO
> NOT CALL the guy first. You're just setting
> yourself for heartbreak. Girls get much more
> emotonally attached than guys.
>

Mike's rule #2:
See Mike's rule #1. Just because some men are jerks doesn't mean they all are.



Mike's advice? Follow rgG's advice.

[Guitarman]

Well things have changed for me as I've gotten older (and portlier). Used to be, if they didn't call me, travel to my place, pay for my dinner and then have wild sex with them doing most of the work, well I was too busy for them.

Now a days I still don't like to chase, it feels like I'm some sort of a loser, but I do it anyway. If he didn't hit you back, look elsewhere. I mean you could try and get in touch, but don't have any high hopes.

[Pam]

Go for it dmann. It's just a possible date, not a lifetime committment. The longer you are out of the dating loop the scarier it is. You have to start somewhere. If he says yes, good, if he says no, no biggie. You're tougher that this!

[Paul F.]

Paul F.'s Previously Stated Advice agrees with Mike's advice to follow rgG's advice.

Now I have to go take an Aspirin for wrapping my brain around that sentence...

[incognegro]

so would you trust a married guy or a single guy?



i'm not saying send him an email an hour, just a quick "hi" is OK.

guys get busy & wrapped up in stuff. i've been on the end where you call & leave messages and never get a call back. marriage may not be 100% bliss, but it's easier than dealing with those who do play games.