"He's just not that into you" and other dating woes

[dmann]

I just talked to my friend who roped me into this thing in the 1st place. As a frame of reference, she is 27, tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. Physically we could not be more different.

She said "yes" to EVERYONE to see who would also say yes to her. One of her "matches" was this guy and she hasn't heard from him either.

Not sure why, but this intrigues me.

DM

[wurm]

Tominator stated what I was thinking from the moment you posted this (and unless I missed it, he was one of if not the only person to have said it). The guy checked "yes". Either:
1. He's interested in you enough to spend more than five minutes with you.
or
2. He's interested only in another conquest, in which case your common sense and maturity will kick in and you'll realize it quickly enough to tell him to take a hike.


If a girl i'm really not interested in contacts ME. In my mind, i'm thinking, she wants me bad. Go out with her for 2-3 times. Get laid. Then don't dump her.

3d, did you mean to say "don't dump her"? I'm confused. Either way, based on much of what you said, you're the kind of guy I warn my daughter about.

[PeterB]

DM, just to point out-- do NOT assume he's not interested (and project that feeling in an email). From your description, you do not know WHAT he's thinking... there could be any number of explanations besides the particular one that 3d gave (that he's been "ignoring you for a week") ... he could have been busy with work, ill, etc. For example, if I were to put myself in his shoes... could be he's just shy, and wants to make a first move but is afraid to do so. At least, that might be how I would behave in such a situation. By your making that first move, you're therefore taking the pressure off...

Edit: somehow I doubt your tall, blonde friend is going to contact him, even though he checked her off as "yes". Don't assume that just because he checked off both of you as "yes", that he's no good... could be he honestly liked both of you. The only way to know would be to know if he also checked a lot of people or everybody as "yes", but you just don't know that-- and even if you did, I'm not sure you could assume much from that.

[S.Taylor]

A long time ago, I got a phone number from a girl in whom I was interested, and apparently she was interested in me. I put a sticky note by the phone with her number on it, and called her several times that week, but no answer. I called several times the following week, still with no answer and no answering machine. Thereafter I called maybe once a week, or semi-occasionally for about six months. Never any answer.

Ran into her some time later, and told her I had been calling for ages, and did she want to go out that weekend. Nope; she was engaged.

Turned out she had written her number incorrectly, and the number I had been calling was an abandoned phone booth or software help line or something.


Stuff happens. Email him.

Good luck.

(Ulimately, I'm glad it worked out that way, since I ran into an old friend shortly afterwards, we really hit it off, and have been very happily married for 16 years.)

Again, best wishes.

[dmann]

PeterB-
I was very careful wording my email! I basically said it was great talking with him and tried to give him a few things that might help remind him who I was. They gave us sheets to take notes on and it looked like most of the guys weren't writing too much. I did take notes and then promptly lost my sheet.

My tall blonde friend is not going to contact him- she is having enough trouble with some of the guys who have contacted HER. Even if she did go on a date with him, that would be TOTALLY fine with me.

I also don't think badly about him for yessing her. She is cute and outgoing. I highly doubt that most people there said yes to as few people as I did. After all, the whole point is to meet people! Our other friend who went with us is a guy and he ended up with 6 matches out of 9 or so he said yes to.

DM

[sscutchen]

Well, I agree with Paul F that Mike was right when he said follow rgG's advice.

[PeterB]

DM, I predict that very soon you will be going out on a date, even if it isn't with this particular guy (

Dibs on you or your tall blonde friend, though it sounds like she has her hands full

Edit... could someone please give me a link to that darned list of smileys again?

[SteveO]

Tanqueray and Tonic: nice choice.

Some others gave great advice above. Here's mine:

I am single and 36, 6'1, 185, successfully self-employed 13 years, author, been on nat'l TV & media with my book, been told I am good(+) looking, blah blah FWIW. Married VERY happily for nine years 'til 2001 when my wife and soul mate suddenly passed away. Now I have a girlfriend. (Incidentally, she made the first move.) For a long, long time after my wife's death, I "didn't care anymore" to put it bluntly. This woman who is in my life now has helped me see the importance of going on, of trying to make life good.

Hypothetically: If I got a call (edit: or email, but a call would be better) from a girl I met at one of those speed dating things (or any other place), I'd be totally cool with it. And I would respect the girl even more for having the guts to call me.

Non-hypothetically: Don't expect him to make the first move. If you want something in life, anything...you've got to make it happen. Period.

Over the past few years, I've met women at various venues; a few have asked me out on the spot, others have gotten in touch with me via mutual friends (I don't readily give my contact info out unless you're a reporter, ha!). I admire them for this, I DON'T think less of them.

If nothing else, hey, you could meet this guy and be friends (not a bad deal at all, everyone can use a new friend), and hey, who knows, he could lead you to someone else who you really click with. If not, so what...you'll be richer for the experience. Good luck!

[D-Rod]

I think you should follow sscutchen's advice. But seriously I wish you the best of luck. Remember you did say you were doing it to meet people so don't worry about a lifetime commitment, maybe he could end up being a good friend. Even if that is not what you want no telling about his friends and where that could lead to.

Dennis R

ps. I have had no problem with people here even though I use my photo in my sig all the time.

[rgG]

Well, I am pleased that you e-mailed him dmann. Let us know how it goes.

And I'm thrilled that Dennis R thinks you should follow sscutchen's advice that PaulF agrees with Mike Sellers that you should follow my advice. Now I need an aspirin. B: