Family dog is dying - What to tell a 2 year old?

[Voryn]

8 yr old golden that i've had since before both my kids. I dread the day and feel the pain for you on this one. My wife's grandmother or nana Irene, was lost in november a day after my birthday last year so in a way the kids have kinda experienced it even though i do not think they fully understood when i explained to them. I hate hearing kids as when someone or a pet will wake up.

[OWC Jamie]

The way it is.

Whether you like it or not, they have to start learning what the truth is at a very early age.

(unless you plan on providing a fantasy world and lying to him for the rest of your/his life)


The two year old has no where near the attatchment to this dog that you do.

Unless he's retarded, he'll question your sadness more than he will the dog being gone.




... and good luck saying good bye to a 'friend'. It's never easy.
and you'll spend a lifetime doing it, unfortunately.

[mick e]

Get the kid his own puppy and tell him the old dog left so the new dog could arrive.

[dmann]

I am sorry you are suffering with this. My sister's dog died very unexpectedly last year when my niece was 2. My sister and her husband were so shocked and grief stricken that they hadn't given any thought as to how to handle it with Kasey so they kind of evaded the topic for a few days trying to gather their thoughts.

They talked to other parents and the pediatrician who all said that sitting her down to explain it wouldn't accomplish much at her age. Like others have mentioned, she was simply too young to grasp the concept.

They all did say to make sure NOT to say the dog had gone to sleep and never woke up. They said this makes some kids afraid to go to sleep and are afraid when Mom and Dad go to sleep.

Kasey asked for "Bia" (she couldn't say Bailey) for a few days and then she stopped. Sometimes she would say "Bia outside?" and they would just say "yes". Once in a while she will still say "Bia went bye bye on the airplane". Not sure where this came from but there you go. She does recognize him when she sees a picture of him so I do think it is a good idea to keep photos around.

Sorry I didn't have much to offer other than anecdotal info, but hopefully something here will help.

DM

[$tevie]

I think you are projecting your anguish about the dog onto your child. I am really torn over this and looking into his eyes while he processes this information is inevitably going to make me cry. If your son freaks out it will be because you are sending signals that you think freaking out is the appropriate response.

Tell him that the dog died and went to heaven and it is very sad but you will all always remember her and love her. You will be surprised at how resilient kids are. I lost my grandfather when I was five and here I am a fully functioning adult.

I am sorry for you and your family that your dog is dying. I know it's really hard to go through the loss of a pet. Don't make your child be the urn you pour all your grief into, it's not fair to the kid.

[jesse]

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.

I have to agree with $tevie, I don't think your son will be as affected by this as you think, children are pretty resilient at that age, I personally would just tell him that the dog has gone onto a better place and not try to over explain it.

[dk62]

In my experience, things like this are much harder on older kids (8-12), when they have had time to grow and bond with the pet (may be age-related, as well). If you explain it matter-of-factly, as something that is normal without projecting excessive grief yourself, there should be no issues or trauma.

[vision63]

Yeah, I take away my thoughts and agree with $tevie.

[$tevie]

What you wrote was really good, vision63, but I think it would be more appropriate for an older child.

[BobC]

[quote dmann]Imake sure NOT to say the dog had gone to sleep and never woke up. They said this makes some kids afraid to go to sleep and are afraid when Mom and Dad go to sleep.
I'd second that advice to avoid the "sleep" explanation. Also, tread very carefully with the concept of the vet putting the dog down. If the child gets the idea that the doctor made the dog die, that could put him off doctors as well as sleep.

My 3-yr-old has been asking about death a lot lately (What does "die" mean?, Are you gonna die?, When are you gonna die?), after it came up regarding some long-gone grandparents and cats in photos. Luckily she seems to enjoy responding to herself with "I'm/You're not gonna die for a long long time.". I'm glad we get to deal with it in the abstract now, before we have someone actually die. I have no idea how I'd have handled it when she was two. though.