Need help with a Coverletter

[kap]

Could it be written any better? It's Wife's cover-letter. Tia

"Attached is my resume for your review. You will find that I have worked amongst a vast population of many cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, with ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric. I hope that you will consider me a strong candidate for this position and will eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,
"

[IronMac]

Yes, but I can't reword it for now. But:

- the second sentence is a bit too long and a bit too awkward.
- the third sentence should be something along the lines of "I am sure that you will find me a strong candidate for the position and I will follow up with you next week."

[IronMac]

What's the position?

[Chakravartin]

Dear [Insert name of HR person or manager. Write to a specific person whenever possible.]

Throughout my years as a [whatever the job was] I have encountered people of many cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds and ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric.

[zero]

It shouldn't be 3 sentences. Expand as Chak says

[WHiiP]

zero wrote:
It shouldn't be 3 sentences. Expand as Chak says

:agree:, BUT, keep it concise. Not too lengthy, or it won't get read.

[testcase]

1: address it to a particular person.

2: Not "I hope..." Try: You will find me a strong candidate... OR I am a strong candidate..... OR I am the ideal candidate....

3: I don't like "I eagerly await"...... How about: I look forward to speaking with you soon... OR I look forward to working with you OR I look forward to joining your team


Good luck!

[mrthuse]

If you're satisfied w/ the voice, I suggest the following edits:

"Attached is my resume for your review.

My experience has been working with populations of diverse cultural and socio-economic backgrounds ranging in age from adolescence to octogenarians. I believe I possess the skills necessary for this position and I hope that you consider me a strong candidate. I eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,"

If you could be more specific regarding the actual job, you might consider using that language instead of the vaguer "this position".

I also agree that you might consider expanding your introduction to include an additional sentence or two after "octogenarians" regarding specifics related to the job; that's why I asked the question about voice.

[BernDog]

Good comments. I'd just add that unless this is for medical our counseling fields, I'd go with "teen to elderly". I think the goal should be what is the absolute shortest and simplest you could make this (good goal for any writing). Take out as much as you can and still get the exact same meaning across.

That said, the amount of text included in your OP, IMHO, is not enough to justify a letter. Don't make it more complicated to make it longer, just add in more stuff. Address one or two bullet points conversationally that you feel are highlights from the resume. Give the reader an actual reason to seek more info in the resume. The cover letter is the sales pitch. The resume is just tech specs.

Also, refer to the resume at the end, not right away.

mrthuse, "octagenarians"? Really?

[anonymouse1]

That's excellent--I used to do this stuff professionally, and that's excelllent.

Chakravartin wrote:
Dear [Insert name of HR person or manager. Write to a specific person whenever possible.]

Throughout my years as a [whatever the job was] I have encountered people of many cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds and ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric.