10-27-2023, 03:48 PM
Here's a blast from the past - a Dealmac Forum post from over 20 years ago, with answers to the timeless question: "Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?"
dealmac forum
OT: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (long)
Author: Monster (Registered User)
Date: 01-16-03 10:57
GEORGE W. BUSH:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
AL GORE:
The chicken crossing the road represented the application of two different
functions (road and chicken) of government in a new, reinvented way,
designed to bring greater services and compassion to the American people.
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting
a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome.
Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say
dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you
to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side. That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other
side."
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The
chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it had a
serious case of molting yet went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
from the X-Files)
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads but
lay eggs, file our important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and said unto the chicken, Thou shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much
rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
dealmac forum
OT: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (long)
Author: Monster (Registered User)
Date: 01-16-03 10:57
GEORGE W. BUSH:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
AL GORE:
The chicken crossing the road represented the application of two different
functions (road and chicken) of government in a new, reinvented way,
designed to bring greater services and compassion to the American people.
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting
a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome.
Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say
dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you
to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side. That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other
side."
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The
chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it had a
serious case of molting yet went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
from the X-Files)You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads but
lay eggs, file our important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and said unto the chicken, Thou shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much
rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
miley-laughing001: to the above responses!