Need help with a Coverletter

[kap]

Here is the original in its entirety. I thought the first part was pretty good so I did not include in my initial post. Now that I have read all of the comments here, I figured the whole letter should be improved.


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Greetings Ms./Mr [last name],

Your opening position for a Clinical Research Coordinator has recently been sent to my attention. With eight years of experience coordinating clinical trials, as well as thirteen years as a field interviewer and research assistant, I feel appropriately qualified to excel in this position. I am a team player, a congenial and effective liaison, and a self-starter with the ability to work autonomously under minimal supervision. I enjoy commuting and will relocate if necessary.

Attached is my resume for your review. You will find that I have worked amongst a vast population of many cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, with ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric. I hope that you will consider me a strong candidate for this position and will eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,

[mrthuse]

BernDog wrote:

mrthuse, "octagenarians"? Really?

It's a range, right?

[michaelb]

My general take is that different fields and different employers view cover letters and resumes differently. Maybe it depends on if they have a human resources office or not, how large they are, etc.

In any case, we take the cover letter very seriously, more so usually then the resume. If a candidate doesn't take the time to write a thoughtful, coherent, and well written coverletter, they almost never make it out of the pile and into our review. So this would not cut it at all (way to short, generic, and the writing style is a bit awkward).

[Numo]

anonymouse1 wrote:
That's excellent--I used to do this stuff professionally, and that's excelllent.

[quote=Chakravartin]
Dear [Insert name of HR person or manager. Write to a specific person whenever possible.]

Throughout my years as a [whatever the job was] I have encountered people of many cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds and ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric.

[mrbigstuff]

"among" not "amongst" in this case - sounds better for this context.

also, bullet points get noticed in a cover letter, esp now when they may receive hundreds for this position. list your experiences and then the

end with I hope to hear from you since I'm so kick-ass for this job. or something like that.
"I feel that I am a strong candidate for this position and I am available to discuss this position at your convenience."

[haikuman]

Need help with a covertletter:

I am sending this reply incognito at the at the appointed time and place I will advise you furdder .

Anonymously urs..
aka Mrs Osterhaus

[Chakravartin]

kap wrote:
Greetings Ms./Mr [last name],

Your opening position for a Clinical Research Coordinator has recently been sent to my attention. With eight years of experience coordinating clinical trials, as well as thirteen years as a field interviewer and research assistant, I feel appropriately qualified to excel in this position. I am a team player, a congenial and effective liaison, and a self-starter with the ability to work autonomously under minimal supervision. I enjoy commuting and will relocate if necessary.

Attached is my resume for your review. You will find that I have worked amongst a vast population of many cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, with ages ranging from adolescence to geriatric. I hope that you will consider me a strong candidate for this position and will eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,

"Greetings" is a little informal. A cover letter is a kind of business letter. Unless you are familiar with the recipient, stick to the classic "Dear."

The first sentence is not well constructed and it's largely redundant since it can certainly be intuited that an applicant for that job would have had the job brought to their attention. If this is a printed letter and not emailed then just include a "Re:" line below the addresses at the top: Re: Clinical Research Coordinator Position. (Without the italics.) If this is an emailed cover letter then the job-title should be mentioned in the subject line.

Strike "appropriately." It's redundant. I don't think that "feel" belongs there either. As a general rule, you should make strong statements in your cover letter. "I am qualified..." but I'm not too keen on that sentence, either.

Try something like this for your introductory paragraph:

With eight years of experience coordinating clinical trials and thirteen years as a field interviewer and research assistant before that, I have unique knowledge of regulatory practices, understanding of the principles behind pharmaceutical studies and skill at navigating the intricate regulations of supervising government agencies.

Don't put commas before "and" at the end of a list.

"Amongst" is not used in 21st century American English.

I'd strike the whole second paragraph and come up with a list of three specific impressive achievements from previous employment. Example:

In my current position, I create and oversee business plans for our sales teams. In the last five years our teams have achieved every one of our sales targets under budget.

You don't have to mention that your resume is attached. If it wasn't attached, that would be weird.

Ending your letter with "I hope..." is unnecessary. It's implied by the existence of the application letter. A simple "thank you" for time, attention or consideration makes a good closing sentence.

[kap]

So many good points are bought up. Wife will definitely use them in her cover-letters. On her behalf, I thank you everyone for your input. Please keep them coming.